yep, its the one thing I really missed ;). I think I am handling things pretty well and am completely surprised how good I feel both physically and mentally. All the support I have been getting from everyone has been super helpful. I am really really glad I told the people in my physically life (didnt make a formal internet announcement) because the support I got when I thought I was losing him and when I finally did definitely helped me heal faster. I am not depressed and I am ready to start fresh today. I am even glad now that my Doc warned me this would happen, even though she could have been a little sweeter, because it allowed me to mentally prepare and not get my hopes up too high.
Physically I am fine. I didnt even fill a pad with blood yesterday, though Mom seems to think that it may come and go. Today there is no blood and absolutely no pains. I feel completely NOT pregnant except the 6 extra pounds I am carrying..well probably 4 now. The Doc seemed to have done a good job getting everything out. Hoping this is the case so we can get the next cycle started. I plan to try again in Sept. That would give me a June baby and I would be perfectly happy to have him in June 22, the day I lost this little guy. He will be my rainbow baby... my little rainbow after the storm.
Meanwhile I plan to run the half marathon on Sept 4th with my buddy Andrea and possibly 1 or 2 more before that. I am also planning my tattoo in memory of my little bean. I want a lotus flower above my heart with an infant sleeping inside. Also, his due date and the day, yesterdays date, the day they took him away from me.
Doc says she will mail me the ultrasound pic from the last scan of the day we found out his heart stopped beating. I want it and I want to remember everything about him, the good and the sad. They will also do some genetic testing on my little fetus so maybe we can get some answers as to why my levels were not rising and why he couldnt pull thru. If its genetic reasons then there is nothing I will do differently next time but if not then I know I need to change my diet and exercise routine and possible pelvic rest. Hoping its genetic because I really want to just keep doing what I have been doing as far as exercise goes.
Heres to the next 3 months... gonna have a margarita this weekend then kick my ass in the gym every single day and preparation for trying again :).
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