Yesterday

I was pregnant... I even felt really good about it despite the odds that I am about to describe. This was clomid fail round 3. My cycles have been getting longer and longer each month on the clomid and this cycle was completely anvulatory...or so I thought. I never got a positive OPK and was scheduled for an SHG to check my uterus on Feb 16th. I should have either had a BFP or AF by then. When Feb 16 came around and I still had not had a thermal shift or a positive OPK, the Doc prescribed Prometrium (wont hurt if I am pregnant)and a higher dose of clomid. I took the progesterone for the 12 days the Doc said to and on cycle day 43 still had no signs of AF. One of the girls on the TTC board suggested I poas just for the heck of it. That was Friday night. I saw no line and threw it away. Later that evening, while sitting on the toilet, I decided to reach down, grab the stick and just check it out. I see a line! WTF!! Its super faint and you have to really squint to see it but it is definitely there. I probably stared at that thing for 3 total hours. I finally convinced myself to sleep so I can poas in the morning and low and behold...a nice and significantly darker line than the night before. Of course, it helped that it was first morning urine but woohooo!! I am pregnant!! I am a bit nervous though because I never really got a temperature rise and since the line is still so light I am assuming that we conceived on Valentines day Feb 14th which would be cycle day 32. My egg is way too old..well, lots of girls have successful pregnancies from ovulating late so why cant I? Rob and I spent yesterday pretty excited that its finally happening. I even purchased some FRER so I can test my levels every couple of days. This morning I peed on that expensive stick and got a line that was super super light..you can barely even see it and it was that moment when I felt the blood. Its not much yet but I am cramping. I feel like its the start of my period so I am pretty damn sure the flow will pick up before the day is out. Chemical Pregnancies are so unfair. Its like winning the lottery and then losing the ticket :(. I am thinking about taking a break from the TTC board. If I hadn't been there I may not have poas and wouldn't even know that I was having another miscarriage. Even though its super early I still had 24 hours of dreaming about my new baby and cells or not, the miscarriage still hurts. "sigh" I do love those girls though and care about their TTC journeys so I probably wont leave...I just wish this TTC business wasnt always so hard :(