I found this website called remembering our babies. Such a great idea, a perfect way to help women thru the grieving process and giving beautiful options for keepsakes. I chose a tiny sculpture that represents my 9 week old baby in utero. I suppose its a little weird but I dont care. I am going to put it in a tiny velvet box with the dates on it and put in my glass cabinet along with all the other things that have special meaning in my life..the good and the bad..I have things in there that should be smashed to pieces and sent back to their gifters but I wont.. I need reminders of what has made my skin thicker, made me stronger and made me realize that I can do this life no matter what is thrown at me..
My bruise is almost gone.. and so are the tears. Its getting easier to read other peoples stories and basically just get thru my day. I dont worry about smashing my tummy a bit or getting my heart rate up too high but it triggers a reminder that I am no longer pregnant. I even get sad when I realize that I havent needed to pee in the past hour... day by day, but I will never ever forget the little bean that pulled thru for 9 whole weeks and touched my heart in ways I didnt think possible.
I still struggle with the "can I do this again" I really want to get pregnant again, like now, but I dont want to do anything to raise the risk of another miscarriage..including letting a baby implant into a damaged uterus.. time Jen, give it time to heal.. I am soooo fricken nervous about losing another one.. I hope I can handle it if it happens and at least try one more time after that.. Sebastian deserves a little brother or sister and I want another child in my life..so does Dad.. we deserve that too..
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