Finally... cycle day 1. Operation 'make a baby' starts today. I am all stocked up with OPK and HPT!! I will start charting as well. Gives me something to do while I sit back and wait..well, not sit back, I really need to drop a couple of pounds before actual conception so I can go into this feeling good about myself and confident that there wont be a reason coming from me that the next baby will not survive. Healthy thoughts, healthy thoughts..
The last few months have been a bit weird. My friend Liz is already almost half way done. Which is where I would be had Marley survived. She just got all her amnio results back and is having a healthy baby girl. 18 weeks.. I would be 19. I am very happy for her and its getting easier. I dont tear up over everything now and am looking forward to trying again. The question still remains what to do after this.. how much heartbreak can I take? I would like to convince myself to stay positive for the sake of us both but I find that impossible. I am sure I will live in daily fear that something is wrong with the baby. *sigh* I guess from here I just take it one day at a time...
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